so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
