i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
