My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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