who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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