so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
