Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love accidental penises.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
