i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
