you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
