saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
