I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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