***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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