girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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