People in love make me want to vomit
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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