Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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