im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
