playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
