Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize