you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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