Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
