i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
