you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
