Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
