I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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