Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
