New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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