the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You did what with his pubic hair?
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