people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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