Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
