I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
