i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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