i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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