Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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