i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
