Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
