are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
