white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
