I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize