a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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