The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
