Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize