Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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