Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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