That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Green mimosas i think yes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
