I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
