I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
