Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
