Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
