he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
