kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
