she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
