There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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