Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
