I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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