Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
