one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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