ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
