I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
