So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
