I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
