I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize