There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
