Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
