I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fuck appropriateness.
Four minutes until I can fart!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
