i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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