So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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