i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
